Duck and Cover

I managed to ask Gwen for a notebook to write in. She was kind enough to give me this one.

I'm not sure what to say. I died. Now I'm here. Is it hell? Al is with me, he's human, so I guess it's worth the price.

This is what it is about right? Paying a price?

I'm not sure what to do now. I'm crippled, Al's 10, and I have no idea where I am. I'm over 90 years in the future and it's NOTHING like what I remember. It's like I landed on an alien planet.

And... The dreams I keep having.. Terrifying, as if I never left the truth.

I wonder what price that bastard Mustang paid?

Reflecting on it, it was probably a greater cost than being trapped in hell. He... likely had to give up everything he stood for. He walked the line for years, and you can't walk the line that long without paying some hefty dues.

Still I hope the Colonel  Bastard is well.

All Al and I can do is attempt to survive.

Well, my attempts to keep my glad problem under control is being challenged. Damn it, you know, it's bad enough Tosh does tech talk, but Owen and Lyssa....
( Cut for Ed's potty mouth )

I think I've finally got it together. Tosh and I talked, and the Ruthven thing is behind us. I think everything is back to normal. Well almost, Isabel is back, with her daughter and all grown up. I nearly died in Munich because I let my emotion concerning my fight with the Doc get in the way. Sometimes I hate being as human as I am, but Tosh seems to think I'm growing up, and that I'm doing better.

After Is's transfusion, I'm different now. Not sure exactly HOW but I've been having strange dreams on top of the alterations to how I do my alchemy.

I need to run tests. I asked Dr. Harper to help. It's going ot be insane for a while.

And to top it off, I need to tell 11 about this, and the other stuff. Tosh gave me some good advice.

Problem is I'm not sure if it's too late or not. I let a LOT of time go by. But I needed it to piece myself together. When I'm pissed I can't do emotional crap. And I've been nothing but PISSED lately.

Anyhow, I'm still trying to make arrangements for Is. Not sure how it's going to work. But we'll see.

Ed

Is sick and in the shop again.

So I'm on the desktop.

:)

Folks can contact me though Ed's, AuJacks, or Au10's Mail, or redrose999 Ljmail. OR on AIM. I'm redrose99999.

(written while he's in Germany)
Anger management.

I need someone's ass to kick.

I didn't expect to run into Isabel here. She's got a brat. Damn, the kid has a mouth on her.

Anyhow, she's in trouble. I have to help, hell, kicking someone's ass will be good for me.

Shrink wanted me to take up a hobby, I think ass kicking should fit the bill.

(written before his trip to Munich and after his brainwashing in the horror plot)

Why am I so selfish? I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to realize how hurt he'd be when he found out. I got all defensive over it, and hurt him with my big mouth. All I could think of was how helpless and over powered I felt, but truth is I did sleep with them. I was too weak, so he has every right to be hurt by my actions.

( I screwed up )

I'm going to Uni, not sure HOW it's going to work out. I'm going to the one in Cardiff. It would be too much of a trek to go to the one in London. I refuse to take that damn transporter.

I haven't seen my Doc lately. He's off doing his thing likely.

Miss him, but I realized a head of time what he was like. Too many ways, he reminds me of the old man.

Still haven't talked to Tosh about what happened.

Ed

Prompt :Screaming
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Character:  Ed Elric
Word Count: 147

Screaming, Edward Elric never screamed. Automail connections were painful, so painful adult men avoided the surgery. Yet Edward Elric accepted the pain head on. Physical pain never bothered him. He was accustomed to it. The automail was hard on his physical body. There were times his nerves screamed in anguish as the machinery misfired.

( Screams )

Never forget.

9 years ago I burnt down my house and left to become a State Alchemist.

Ed

I've lost everything except for Al. I should have expected it. I mean nothing good lasts for long.  I mean, I guess I deserve it, my sins run far too deep.
( Cut to Ed Angst )

Funny it's been a year since Is and I connected and now she's gone. She left with the baby and her parents to the States. I expected it to be me to run off first. I'm good at running away, but recently I've discovered I can't run away.

I'm home.

Funny isn't it? Home, sounds kinda of nice.

Anyhow. It's been a long haul. I understand myself more, it's for the best of course, but it's still hard. I don't like seeing myself in the mirror.

Isabel, she's gone, I'll miss her, she is a part of me. Damn dame was the one who started it all too.

I wish her luck.

Ed

They used some glove thing on Olwen and did the forbidden. Poor Toshi, this isn't ending for him and I have no idea how to help him.

I realized I'd likely do the same thing. For my friends, that I care, and I know that's a good thing, but hell...

All that moralizing, all that crap I went though.

And I haven't changed one fucking bit.

Al was right, we did bring mom back, and I murdered her in cold blood. Why does everything have to have a cost? I shut myself down to do it, now I'm finding after all this, I can't live with myself over it. Never look back right? Than why does it keep returning?

I almost cried in front of Tosh. A part of me just wants to retreat and ignore the people around me. But I can't,  I need to be strong to help Toshi, no time to be a self centered bastard because I can't face my fucking past and sins. Time to bury it all. Time to forget. No time to feel. Never look back right?

Al thinks the Gate is back, someone here is using it.

Right, everything goes to hell when I find happiness. Typical.

I should live. Need to buy plates for the kitchen. We've been living on take away. Take away boxes get mushy and don't serve as dishes or storage containers for a second time.

Ed

Spotty internet.

So you might see a tag or two here and there. I just need to be reminded for links. I have no email.....


Kathy

Prompt
July


Rain poured down upon the mist covered earth and splashed off the carved marble grave stone. It was a cold miserable November morning. The soft grassy ground was brown and littered with rotting leaves that were slick and muddy from several days' downpour.

( Read more... )

And popped the question to 11. Now I'm waiting for an answer. I'm not sure what to think. He needs time, and I understand that, but well, damn it, I hate waiting... Hell, I'm shopping for rings still, I THINK I found one. Maybe I should ask Tosh about it... Or Toshi yeah, he's a guy he might know.

Al says I'm being a fucking grump. Heh, might be right. But I am glad I asked. I'm not sure how I'll feel if he says no.I'm scared half to death I did the wrong thing. I LOVE the man, I know it's more than glands, hell I get the glands now. Believe me I feel the gland part all the time. It's different than what I feel for him.

Talking to Is kind of made me realize how far I've come though. She's afraid to take the plunge with Eddie, and I think I've manged to push past that part of me.

I'm worried about Is. She needs to buckle in and take some risks. But I'm not sure how to say that.

On a another note, I realized I can scare the shit out of Doc 10 by commenting on his ass. Unlike Owen (who usually has a rude come back), he goes into shock and shuts his trap for several minutes. Heh, nice to know I can scare the crap out of him. Now if that would work on the other 10, I'd be really happy.

Muse: Edward Elric
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Word Count:297

It was cold out. Edward Elric stepped out on the side walk and turned his toward the sky. Snow drifted lazily down and dotted the cobblestone streets around him. He closed his eyes, and felt the cool wet kiss of the sky’s frozen tears on his cheeks. He had always liked the snow in the past. It reminded him of home now. He glanced around the street as he started to walk and watched the flakes drift and dance to the cold earth. The snow was sticking and coming down faster now. The flakes were large and delicate with interconnect lacey crystals. Just like the snow at home.

The young man inhaled, and shoved his hands deep into his pockets and watched the men near the beer hall as they huddled around burning barrels for warmth. They’d be burning marcs that night, Ed thought. Money was worthless these days and the snow made warmth worth more.

The walk took Edward to the Odeonsplatz. Snow already covered the stones with a blanket of white and the arched colonnade itself was difficult to see though the white haze now. Edward slowed his walk and looked around. The dirty streets of Munich had transformed into a white snowy landscape, and it looked beautiful. Suddenly, he forgot about being lost, and away from his own world. The snowy day was captivating.

He extended a hand, and caught a flake and watched it melt away. How many times had he and Al caught the flakes on their tongues out in their backyard? Snow, it was the same wherever you went. It blanketed the streets or fields with cool breath taking beauty. Edward Elric smiled, maybe he’d talk Heidrich into going out and making some snow balls when he got back from University.

Is had her baby.

I guess it means she's finally moved on, or will be able too.

Not sure what I think.

I keep wondering since I took the plung and saw The Doc's mind, if I should just propose to him. I mean you just don't shag a guy and not marry them. I mean I was thinking about it before the baby and all, but now I feel it's time to take my relationship to the next level.

It's just it might not be his thing... And Al, what would I do about him? Anyhow, lots to think about. I'm still ring shopping....

What's the harm right?

I'm going to prod the Doc into helping me do my rift research. I know, he's a little disturbed by the fact that I'm with his other self, but he's gonna have to deal. It's kind of weird really. Rose is maybe a year older than I am, and her relationship with her Doc is similar.

Not that it matters to me, he's gonna have to deal.

Al is pretty cheery these days. We've been doing some research in the lab, and I'm starting to get what's going on with my Alchemy. I think the Universe has a code. Everything is math really and in the end Alchemy is broken down into atomic formula. The Truth gives us insight into that formula and allows Al and I to use it on a microcosmic level.

Now I need to figure out exactly what the gate is and where it came from. Who built it and all that.

On another note, the Doc offered to build a device that would help me to manage the influx of rift energy just in case of a opening or tear around me. This way I don't have to get myself stoned when it happens.

On another note, I'm realizing my Doc has a difficult time express how he feels for me in words. He's hurt deep down I think. I know that pain, but I've had such a short life, it's easy to move past it. But he has lost so much over the years.

I wonder if Fluffy feels the same? Maybe he can give me a little advice? I mean I suck at expressing myself with words. Hell I'm surprised I've been able to tell him I love him. But recently, it's been easy to say them. But talking to Tosh and Owen and Al helped me to connect with them I guess and say how I feel.

Sex helps too, I find it easier to express my feelings physically. And I think I'm pretty good at it too.



Ed

I have a fair number of duties at Torchwood. Ones that focus on my skills. Research for magic and tech, Field Work-Security enforcer (in other words, deals with hostiles that come though rift) and my own research.

I realized the other day, despite the pitfalls and emotional stress, I think I'm happier here than I was working with the State Military. I spoke with Lorin a few days ago, and realized my appreciation of this place shifts with my mood, I'm still angry about being stuck, or sentenced here by the gate as exchange. I'm still trying to fight my way out of that. But being with the Doctor makes it now very possible that I can move, and do what I want, and that freedom has changed everything. I'm just ready to accept it at times, I'm so used to losing everything, I'm terrified to accept what I have and be happy. But I am happy, and it is strange.

I do miss home, I realized that the other day, but I starting to think that hell isn't that bad at all. I like it here, I like the responsibility. I like the people.

Man, growing up is a bitch. I'm 20, but in many ways, I'm still a kid, not just in body, but in soul and mind. I never had the time to do the things folks my age would have done years ago. Its new and exciting and frustrating at the same time. Man, I need to track down Owen and grill him about technique. I'm too bloody straight forward.

Anyways, back to work.

Of this feeling for someone else thing. I think... Well, I think I know he cares. He said things to me, that I needed to think about.

I had a long talk with Nate, and well, I realized then what I had. I just need to get this sex thing straight. I'm going to study a book I borrowed from Owen. It was a disaster of course, the borrowing and I owe Tosh big. Made a fool out of myself.
( Read more... )